I can’t ever win, can I? Every choice I make, every reaction that I have to you and your actions…it’s always wrong. Immature, irresponsible, disrespectful, judgemental, nasty, unreachable. I’m never enough. I’m something. Any of those words. Pick one, and that describes me. Didn’t anyone ever tell you that, sometimes, you have to show respect in order to receive it? I have-I’ve told you that more times than I can count.
The funny part is that I know I’m a good person. I know that there is a part of you that is mentally unable to see things that I see. You just can’t comprehend them, which means I get judged for them. I make mistakes, I get angry while driving sometimes, I bite off more than I can chew, I raise my voice when you push me too far, sometimes I accept less than I should, I can be impatient, I give up sometimes. But you know what else I’ve done? I’ve held down two jobs. I’ve been to Europe 3 times in my 22 years of living-one of which was by myself for 3 weeks. I support myself completely. I don’t, and never have, asked you for help. I struggle.
I see the beauty in life. It hurts that you can’t, but sometimes it hurts even more when I get judged for being able to see it. Life is more than facts and figures and encyclopedias. Life is a pure, unhindered smile. Life is connecting with a stranger, even if it’s just for a quick chat in a hotel lobby . Life is allowing yourself time to breathe. Life is reading a book that has no educational purposes whatsoever…and loving every minute of it. Life is about connecting with a character from a tv show. Life is about finding out new things about yourself. Life is having a ridiculous conversation with your dog and not feeling like an idiot.
I love you, but sometimes you make it hard for me to like you. It’s time to accept that I’m not a child who answers to you anymore, and that I will make my own decisions in life.
I choose to be prepared for whatever epic adventure life has for me next.